February 08, 2018
Let me start by saying that life with a puppy is hilarious, frustrating, exhausting, adorable and exhausting. Wait, did I mention exhausting twice? Our life pretty much revolves around Clover right now and we were stunned to realize that potty training would be the easy part. Golden puppies are notoriously challenging. And notoriously worth it in the end. So we muster our strength, walk her several times a day, play with her for endless hours, buy her endless amounts of hard chewing toys, say Clover DOWN a lot, give up on keeping her off the sectional, take her to training and practice at home, go to bed and begin fresh the next day. Just thought I'd lay that out there for any of you romanticizing puppy life...like we did. But then look at this sweetie! We are seeing very clear signs of progress and the future good doggy citizen she will be.
So while life revolves around the golden one, I am soldiering on here, trying to get life to resemble something like normal. Or more specifically like the normal I'm wanting it to resemble. Since being shoved into menopause, I find myself getting overwhelmed easier, among other charming things like clumsiness, loss of ability to use my brain, hot flashes and a little extra padding around the middle. Lately part of what's overwhelming me is just...excess. Too much clutter, too much social media, too many notifications, too many books waiting to be read, too many shows on the DVR, too many things on my calendar, too many things on my to do lists, TOO MANY TO DO LISTS! I feel like I'm suffocating under layers of excess.
I'm working to reel it all in- to make it manageable. Who wants their life to feel overwhelming? Personally when I'm overwhelmed I just shut down. I find myself unable to make the simplest of decisions. It's not a feeling I like.
I'm not one of those people that glorifies busy. I crave small, quiet, peaceful, still, organized, calm and creative. Those things can't exist for me where chaos and overwhelm are living.
Happily, even with all of the time invested in the puppy, I'm still finding time to knit a little here and there. Sometimes, who am I kidding, often, I long for the occasional long lazy day of tea drinking, netflix watching and knitting. I know those days are not lost to me forever. Some days it just feels like forever!
Until then, I've been making it a point to wake up an hour early each morning and cuddle up in bed with my knitting and my cat who isn't overly fond of coming downstairs with a crazed pup.
I've also been meditating (almost) daily after having it recommended to me 3 separate times in one week, including by 2 of my medical team. While I have long considered knitting to be my mediation, I found a great app called Insight Timer that is free and I would really recommend it to you.
While I'm enjoying some of the changes I've implemented this year, I'm in very real mourning for my Sacred Day and am trying to figure out how to carve some Sacred time out for myself. Like for everyone else, it can be a struggle to find time for everything. Even while being more intentional with my time, by the time I make my way into the studio I'm often too exhausted to do more than sit and knit a few rows of a simple project or do some reading. This too shall pass. I repeat these words to myself often.
I have a bit of a plan I'm trying- to chose something to focus on each week both creatively and around the house to help combat the overwhelm. I'm also working on a bit of a daily schedule that will help me focus my time and energy more effectively. And while I have enjoyed beautiful snowy walks in the woods with Clover every day, I am more than a little excited about spring and the rebirth that accompanies it.
January 08, 2018
So far January, like many of the month that came before it, is not looking the way I had imagined. Which, as it turns out is exactly how life works. Things like puppies, arctic weather patterns, frozen pipes and broken dishwashers sometimes conspire to turn your plans upside down. It has been exceptionally cold. The kind of cold that has you drawing the curtains to keep drafts out, has you wearing knee highs, leggings and cozy sweaters. The kind of cold that has you hosting your best friends in your pajamas for lasagna and a movie. If you've never hosted friends for a pajama night, I highly recommend you do it.
Partly due to the weather and partly due to the chaos, I have so far refused to take down all of the Christmas decorations. I have left just enough to keep the spirit of the holidays alive. As I write this, I'm sipping my evening chai latte and looking out of the studio windows where I can see the warm glow from the lights still hung on the front porch. It's hard to get motivated to take it all down when it requires multiple layers of clothing just to step outside.
As a planner, it can sometimes be hard for me to adapt to the unexpected. Right now I'm struggling with the basics of keeping the house going, let alone figuring out a new schedule and getting things in ship shape. Organizing my junk drawer has literally been on my to do list for over a month. It is January 8th and I've yet to finish putting my 2018 planner together. My brain is full of ideas and things I want to accomplish but the truth is that trying to find a new normal with the demanding schedule of a puppy and the lack of time and energy left from that, is no easy task. I've struggled a bit with losing my Sacred Day and am just now, a month later, figuring out ways to work creative time into my life. I'm having to shift my thinking and as always, I have to process a big change for awhile before I can adapt and thrive.
So while it's taking me a little while to figure out how to make my days look the way I want, I am still finding time to knit more socks to add to my basket of socks that I made last year, or do a little embroidery and a fair amount of reading since I discovered that with the help of a weighted bookmark, I can actually read while I'm knitting. This may be how I spend my days until the spring thaw. This discovery has been one of the best things to have ever happened to me!
We have a brief warm up headed our way this week and I plan to make the most of it with lots of puppy walks and maybe even find a few minutes to take care of that junk drawer. I hope you are staying warm and dry and finding lots of moments to do things that make you happy.